Gerund Verbs - How They Hurt or Help Your Fiction

Gerunds (verbs ending in -ing like running and swimming) can create tricky little passive verb forms. What's so tricky about them?

First, understand that any passive verb (was, were, seemed or any non-visual verb) is weak because its action can't be seen or experienced in some sensory way. Was is the greatest example. It does not show anything; it just tells readers a state of being. Useful at times, yes, but not active, not enticing.

A gerund verb form, like was racing, is almost (not quite) as weak as a passive verb. Even though it looks like an active verb (the author sees racing, and cheers that he found a visual verb), yet a gerund does not offer a strong active presence to readers. The examples below will help show what I mean.

* Passive verbs: He was on the way to the store and tried to get away from a fly and wished it would get lost.

* Passive due to gerund verb forms: He was walking to the store and was waving his hand at a fly, shouting for it to get lost.

* Active: As he walked toward the store, he waved his hand at a fly and shouted for it to get lost.

The changes may appear minor. But in the gerund example he is not doing anything right now, he was doing it at some point prior to this actual fly-shooing situation and you, the author, are explaining it to your readers after the fact.
In the last example, he does it, right before your reader's eyes! Ah, we can see it! We feel it as if we, too, experience that pesky fly dive bomb our face, and we hear the shouted command for it to "Get lost!"

Is there a proper place for passive gerund verb forms? Yes. If you want a lyrical, drifting, floating sense in your sentence, they are perfect! For example:

Gerunds for lyrical setting:

The marketplace was buzzing with activity: vendors shouting prices, the breeze lifting fragrances of oranges and lemons, colorful skirts swishing, straw hats bouncing.

Gerunds for mood:

Joe dropped to the floor from the impact. He was drifting toward unconsciousness, his limbs numbing to the pain, his gaze darkening, and his fear, finally, was melting away.

So if you see a was or were preceding a verb with an "-ing" attached, be aware this is really a passive type of action. Unless you specifically want this soft and passive tone in this spot, rewrite that sentence using the same verb root but in its active form. You may need to rewrite a bit elsewhere in the sentence so that it reads properly. In the process you will likely find other ways to activate the sentence or scene. Once you start on the path of using only active verbs and verb forms you will find the scene faster, crisper, and more immediate.

Sandra E. Haven has had her articles and fiction published in the U.S. and Europe--from short fiction to human interest articles, mainstream to genre. Since 1990 she has provided comprehensive editing services for writers and book publishers, resulting in publication for numerous authors. She specializes in comprehensive editing, which includes content, characterization, plot, tone and continuity. She deals in most fiction genres with an emphasis on mysteries, fantasies, and stories for children as well as memoirs and personal essays. For more information see Bristol Editing Services Copyright, Sandra E. Haven